‘With love, there are no rules. The heart decides and what it decides is all that really matters.’ (Paulo Coelho)
A girl student was literally in tears when she approached me on the college campus one day. One of the boys from the college had been harassing her and stalking her continuously for about three months. The girl was engaged and due to be married the following month. The boy threatened her with dire consequences if she did not refuse to marry the boy she was betrothed to. The girl refused to do so and one day when the boy intercepted her on the way to college, she decided to confide in some of her close friends who guided her to approach me.
As a teacher, I not only guide my students in matters related to academics but as a female I tend to inculcate a strong sense of sorority/maternal bonding with my female students. From time to time, in a lively manner, I also tend to chaperon my young, adrenalin-pulsating herd of boys and girls in matters relating to heart for most of them have confused and misguided ideas at this stage of their lives and hardly an inkling as to whom to turn to for direction. They are uncomfortable talking to their parents and the information propagated by the internet as well as by peers, is usually half-baked and misleading.
So when this girl approached me with her ‘obsessive lover’ story, I comforted her and asked her to point out the boy to me in full public view. The girl was hesitant at first but on my assurance, she did what I asked of her. I stood beside her in the middle of the campus and she pointed to the boy who was standing with his friends near the water faucets. The moment his friends informed him of the scenario, the boy took to his heels, never to be seen again in the college. The next month, the girl was happily married to her fiancé. One day, I came across the ‘obsessive lover’ in the corridor and stopped him. The boy was petrified that I might take him to task. I asked him if he was doing ok. The boy looked at me and nodded his head. I told him never to harass any girl, for matters of heart can never be coerced. They can only be reciprocated.
As their guide, I always advise my students not to mock or show disrespect to someone who confessed his/ her feelings for them. A quote that I read on internet a few years ago is what I offer them as recommendation,
‘I like you. I don’t ask you to reciprocate the feeling. All I ask you is to respect what I feel. Because falling for you was never something I planned.’
If you are besotted by someone, you have every right to express your feelings to the person. Whether the person reciprocates or rejects, is the other person’s prerogative. Rejection always hurts yet you must learn to accept rejection. Forcing your feelings on someone is no solution. ‘Obsession’ can lead to negativity and how often do we hear hair-raising stories and incidents of spurned lovers resorting to acts of violence. Love is a beautiful experience even when unrequited. Do not besmear it with violence– physical or verbal. Some of the most beautiful and creative pieces of art and literature owe their genesis to love, reciprocated or unreciprocated.
Therefore, fall in love again and again but without the assurance of reciprocity. Remember, Love is a mannerless child that doesn’t knock before entering!
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