TO BE OR NOT TO BE…SORRY?

Among the many reasons that I attribute to my dislike for Salman Khan, the one that stands out owes its genesis to his iconic dialogue from the movie, Maine Pyar Kiya, ‘Dosti mein no sorry, no thank you!’

My friend, Anu Jain, introduced me to the concept of Michhami dukkdam– a phrase in ancient Prakrit language included in Jain texts. The phrase has a number of interpretations but the most commonly attributed interpretation is, “I ask pardon of all living beings, may all of them pardon me, may I have friendship with all beings and enmity with none.” The Jains, on the last day of Samvatsari– the nine days fasting ritual– greet their friends, family and acquaintances with the phrase, thereby seeking their forgiveness.

Man is a strange being and in Alexander Pope’s words is “placed on this isthmus of a middle state” where he is bestowed with “reas’ning but to err.” One who is born to err when deems himself infallible, is bound to become conceited. This is where the humble ritual of ‘seeking forgiveness’, propagated by the Jains, comes into play. Voluntarily or involuntarily, at times we tend to hurt our loved ones or the ones we care about, through our deeds and words and more often than not forget or avoid apologizing to them, reasoning that they would understand. Little do we realize that we are hurt most by the ones we hold dear or close to heart. Strangers, in fact, are quite incapable of hurting us. They can, at the most, humiliate us or harm us in myriad ways. Therefore, the ones that most deserve an apology are our friends and family who mean the world to us.

X and Y were close friends. One morning, X went to see Y in his office in order to discuss a personal matter. Y, who was preoccupied with something, not only ignored X but also spoke rudely to him and asked X to leave his office. X was deeply hurt. He expected Y to call in the evening to clear the air between them. But Y chose to ignore the matter altogether, taking their friendship for granted. Months passed without any interaction between the two. One day Y was in urgent need of X’s help. He reached out to X, who refused to help and reminded Y of his rude behavior. Y, who had completely forgotten about the incident, apologized to X. However, X did not relent as the apology was by then ‘too little and too late!’

Pride and ego are the biggest obstacles in making people realize that they might lose someone precious by not uttering a simple, five-lettered word– SORRY! Men who rise above their petty egos know that an apology is the simplest way to preserve relationships for ‘sorry’ doesn’t mean that you are wrong and the other person is right. It simply means that you value the relationship more than your vanity. Remember, whatever the relationship or howsoever the proximity, every relationship and every person deserves respect and importance to sustain. ‘Sorry’ is the express way to reach someone’s heart and the ‘super glue’ to mend if it’s broken.

Not all of us can be Salman Khan. Hence, make use of this interesting advice available on the internet,

‘When you realize you’ve made a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat a crow while it’s still warm.’